No Thanks, I Got This!

A reflection on lessons and truth impressed upon me over the past eight weeks.

It is no secret.  I am a pretty self-sufficient person.  I truly think I can do most things on my own.  However, I will also, usually, be quick to tell you that I depend on God to get through many things in my life.  As a matter of fact, until about 6 weeks ago, I would have told you that I depend on God to get through almost everything in my life.  He certainly sustained me when my best friend got a re-boot on her life and nearly died.  He was absolutely my foundation when my Mom passed away, and our family began to pick up those pieces and try to move forward in this new life.  If I can give Him these "big" things, then of course I am giving Him the "little" things too, right?  It would be stupid not to.

Call me Stupid.

You see, recently I participated in a Bible Study of sorts where I was encouraged to pray for God to make my sin real to me.  To point out the areas in my life where I am sinning.  Why request something like that you might ask?  Because when I was confronted with bringing my sin to God, I couldn'treally think of anything to bring.  I trust Him.  I am following Him.  What am I missing??  Don't get me wrong.  I didn't think I wasn't sinning, I just wasn't seeing it. 

Sneaky.

You might say, "Whoa...be careful what you ask for!"  You'd be right...cause He showed me.  But instead I submit to you, "Praise God, He is faithful to give what you ask for!"

Here's what He showed me.  Maybe you can relate?

My kids sure are acting up.  I snatch a parenting book up.  Read it cover to cover.  Gain wisdom, knowledge, and a check-list of things to try with my kids to make them "better."  I got this.

A relationship of mine seems distant and sub-par.  I self-analyze.  I judge.  I excuse.  I re-analyze.  I over-compensate.  But, I got this.  I will fix it.

Past sin that I have put to death, buried, and completely forgotten.  Never to enter my life again. Never to gain footing in any part of any of my relationships.  Because, I fixed it.

Notice a theme?  I could go on and on.  You see, while it is truly important to give those "big" things to God, He doesn't just want the big things.  He wants all the things.  Not only that...can you guess the outcome of all these situations?

F.A.I.L.

You see, in all my attempts at making things just so, I was really looking my Lord straight in the face, and telling Him, "No Thanks, God.  But I got this!  After all, I do know better than you."

*sigh*

Let's take this a step further shall we?  If I am not taking all things to Christ.  If I am trusting myself over Him, then where is does my worship lie?  In myself.  I have created an idol. 

Me.

I worship my lists.  My taks items.  My parenting skills (let's face it...they are supreme!). I am great at fixing things and solving problems.  Who better to forgive my past sins than...me?  Why on Earth would I need Him to intervene? 

Because He loves me.

Because apart from Him I can do nothing.

Because.  He. Already. Intervened.

And by telling Him "I got this" I stand a mocker in the crowd around the cross.  I point my finger at his torn body and shout, "YOU ARE USELESS!"

This was heavy stuff for me.  I actually prided myself on my self-reliance.  "Look at me!  I don't really need anybody!  I got this!" As a dear friend pointed out to me recently: "How lonely must that feel."  She was right.  As I was keeping everyone else at a safe distance, I was also holding God at a distance too.  I mean, come on.  How weak is that to need anyone or anything.

In walking this, God has also been gracious to show me others' walk in dependence.  Letting go of the "I got this" attitude.  From "big" things like a marriage falling apart or terminal illnesses in loved ones to "little" things like being overwhelmed with the daily tasks of life.  In each situation, as I watch these people try - in great ways and small - to fix and take care of these situations on their own, I have been blessed to also see them turn from their ways and draw near to God.  With Him all things are possible.

So, I feel I must ask.

Where do you "Got This?"  Are you trying everything in your power to get a list of items done today?  Are you following every suggestion in the book on how to land the perfect job...or any job?  Are you trusting on your own strength to just make it through _____.  Are you the one working every day towards freedom from an addiction?  I submit to you, You don't got this. But there is one who does.  One who can have the strength, the self-control, and provision.  Letting Him take over means a loss of control on your part. But it means giving it to the One who does have control over it all.

I am a work in progress.  But I am thankful for the progress.  And I am thankful for the people who helped lovingly point my eyes to the cross, to my sin, and to repentance.  He is working a miracle in my heart. 

We were encouraged in this Bible Study to write a "Psalm" or a prayer refelcting what God had shown us.  As with the rest of this post, I want to share it here, so that I may always remember these things God is writing on my heart, and so I don't keep these lessons for myself, but shine light on them for all to see His glory!

Savior. Most High.
Creator who dwells among the created.
Thank you for persuing me.
Thank you for invading my heart -
Shining your light in the dark regions of my soul.
I asked for my sins to have a name.
You were faithful to give.
I asked for a repentant spirit.
You were gracious to deliver.
I begged for a changed heart.
And now you begin a miraculous work in me.
Yet not for my sake.
No glory due my story.
All honor, and fame be unto your name!
For my plans fail, my works crumble, my ways are wicked.
Yet your plans are perfect.
Your works are miraculous.
Your way is love.
Abba Father,
Let your light shine through my story
of redemption and restoration!
Amen